So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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