Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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