Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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