I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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