He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
