New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
