dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
try to milk me bitch
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