its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This can only be settled by a dance off.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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