Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
