I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
