Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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