I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
