Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
