im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
