Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This is my gift to your gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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