So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
