I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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