Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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