just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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