I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize