i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
