she takes plan B like it's going out of style
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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