I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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