Tell her she can't have a vagina
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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