I got chris browned last night
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
