My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
