what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
