I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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