shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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