what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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