if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success