other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
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you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong