WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
