Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
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