Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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