if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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