I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
