There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize