im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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