Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
