my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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