Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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