Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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