If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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