my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
