i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
