he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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