So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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