I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
