I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
