I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
