Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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