You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So here I am, sexting at work.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
