i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
