i don't like sucking hair
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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