I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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