nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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