I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
