I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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