I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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