mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
