How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
