She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
