Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
