bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
