Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
