I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
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I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
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You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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