you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just googled if crying burns calories
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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