I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
