I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
