Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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