i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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