Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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