Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
this hospital has no fireball
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
