from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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